"Love is Such a Beautiful Thing"

I just got back from a nine (9) day cruise with my office (a gift from our boss for 20 years of service). While we were on the cruise at our "table" were two couples, one gay, one straight with a son. It became obvious over the course of the cruise that both couples were either unhappy, malcontent, or just plain uninterested in each other.Whenever I encounter couples like these, it always makes me pause and wonder. Love is such a beautiful thing, why imprison yourself in a relationship that simply is not working for either of you? When your relationship becomes a task, a tedious chore or a disagreeable habit it is time to pull the plug.



For all those out there who would retort with staying in their relationship no matter what, or for the sake of the kids (the worst offense), or because they took a vow they miss the two most salient arguments against them: 1. They completely dishonor the relationship and/or the institution of marriage by remaining in a loveless bond. 2. They disrespect each other as individuals.



A relationship whether intimate, professional or platonic is truly about a kind of union. That is the meaning of Yoga: union. It is a path through which we inherently or spiritually recognize we are incomplete. We try, through relationships, to unite with someone (or something in the case of animals) to feel complete or whole. Gibran says, "your friends are your needs answered." The laws and ways of attraction are mysterious. Sometimes we can scarcely explain our attractions to others. But there is something that draws us to a person be it simply animal magnetism or a deep spiritual connection that reaches beyond time and space.



Attraction is also a beautiful thing: those first moments of wonder, enticement, fantasy and curiosity are the fuel that keeps you hooked. You hope, you dream that the object of your affection is just as hooked as you are. And then you meet and you connect, the powerful current of those endorphines rushing through your system lifts you to the heights of Elysium and life is wonderful. That is what love is about. That is what a relationship or a marriage honors. That is what gives love its reputation and entices so many of us to take a chance on a stranger. We want to be a part of that.



Even when those moments are over and you settle into your routine you can still honor the relationship by remembering those things that drew you in in the first place, by refusing to allow your interest to drift away, by not allowing the excitement to wither and dry up, by trying to see into your mate and notice something wonderful you had not seen before. That is where the work comes in. However, when only one of you is doing the work and the relationship becomes lop-sided after repeated attempts on your part that is where the dishonor comes in. That is where the disrespect comes in.



When one partner steadfastly refuses to continue putting in the investment necessary to make the relationship grow and leaves all the work to the other, this a gross statement of dishonor and disrespect. It sullies the reputation of relationships/marriages and reduces it to a daily routine unworthy of anyone's attention. And for the straight couples/people out there whining about protecting the sanctity of marriage, they are among the worst offenders.



Perhaps a good deal of bad relationships has to do with the fact that we are unstable when we are in those first moments of enticement. We overlook so much because we are not grounded in reality but floating around in fantasy. But the courting ritual is precisely so that you can get to know the other person and really see if your attraction is justified. So often these days no one courts. People just jump into a legal contract binding their lives together. And the folks in Hollywood are not helping the situation at all-they are an unmitigated disgrace to the very idea of relationships and marriage.



So if you are having problems in your relationship, stop and think about what drew you in in the first place-try to return to that. Take a moment and sit down with your significant other and speak truthfully and honestly to one another. Communication is the number one issue that buttresses a good relationship. If they do not want to talk, you can remain and be miserable and suffer or you can make the decision that your life, too has value and you deserve better. Relationships can make you flourish or they can bring you down.



If you are embarking on a new relationship try to take off the rose-colored glasses and really look and see if your potential mate is REALLY compatible with you. Too often people do not discuss things that are vitally important to them like children, money, and their values about life. Do not let these things slide, they are the glue that holds you together. Honor them and each other and your relationship, intimate or otherwise will flourish.